I've been gone.
I've been hurting.
My family has gone through some changes, and my daughter is not living with us.
It is what is best for her.
As for us, it has been a time of heartbreak as well as a time of relief.
I have a few dear friends -- and you know who you are -- who have been so loving and so supportive. I truly do not know where I would be at this moment without them.
And there have been some disappointments.
Many people are unhappy with this change.
Many people have judged us harshly.
My son has lost not only a sister, but he has lost some of his extended family.
This hurts me beyond words.
So it has been a time of primal sadness,
and of deepest gratitude.
I see more clearly than ever whom I can count on, who loves me, and what love truly feels like.
I am here to testify to the importance of small gestures.
A note, a smile, a tender word, an understanding pause when there is nothing to say.
More valuable than gold.
It can save a life.
So as I find my way through this dark time in my life, I re-purpose this blog.
I now dedicate this blog to help soothe the souls of the walking wounded.
This will be a place, hopefully, of uplift, of reassurance, of kindness, of tenderness, a refuge.
I dedicate myself to finding, noticing, and sharing the kindnesses in life, the tender mercies, the light.
It seems to me, we could all use more of that just now.
So please bear with me as I find my new way. I will not be talking so much about myself as I process and heal. It is not for any other reason other than that where I am right now defies words, mine anyway.
I will be working to make this blog a provocation for more kindness and more tenderness and support in the world.
I want you to leave this blog happier than you came. If not happier, perhaps more reassured or perhaps more content or perhaps just a bit more soothed and loved.
I have heard it said that you receive what you give . . . I know not where, perhaps in my own heart . . . so I send this blog out . . . setting such notion, sentiment, and intent in motion, free to find its way to those who need and, admittedly, in hopes of lifting up myself as well.
I bid you peace, comfort, and friendship.
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20 comments:
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. A friend of ours with an autistic daughter is going through the same thing. She has moved into a group home to allow both the family and the daughter to live their own life and that is just what needed to happen. No-one has the right to judge you or anything you need to do to make your family the best it needs to be. You can see the amazing change in her family with the stress removed. I hope you family has the same result even though it must be harder than anyone can imagine!
As a mother I can imagine your sorrow. Thank you for sharing so honestly and for wanting to move forward and help those that you can.......
I completely understand every emotion , feeling and darkness that you are going through. We had to do exactly the same thing too. My heart goes out to you. I have never had to do anything quite as hard since. I understand the weight that will be lifted, but the agony that also descends. Give your self time to heal, and try to ignore any less than compassionate people, they have no idea how hard it is. Susie xxx
..I can only imagine how hard this time must be for you. I am so sorry. You're in my prayers. <3
Welcome back And I look forward to your 'new' blog. All the best to you at this transitional time.
Jim
I'm sorry that you've been hurting so much. You obviously have lovely friends who have been a great support, and a wonderful husband, so i'm sure you will be able to move forward again despite all that must have happened.
I'm so sorry for all the pain and emotional upheaval you're going through. The decision you made must have been tremendously difficult. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been. I'm glad you have people around you who support you and love you. As for others, they will have to cope with this in their own way. I hope this brings some peace and happiness back to your family.
xo
Claudia
Dear Renee':
Wishing peace and contentment for you, my dear. So much has been said, more eloquently, by others. Just know I feel for you and look forward to reading about your new path.
xoxo
Donna
You are truly a brave lady to have made the decision you have made....I can only imagine how difficult it was for you.
I'm so glad you are going in a new direction with your beautiful blog....You know....I believe the world is full to the brim with the "walking wounded" and anyone who makes it in this world is a hero....you, my dear, are one!!
Xo
Jo
"True dignity abides with him alone.
Who, in the silent hour of inward thought,
Can still suspect, and still revere himself,
In lowliness of heart.
~William Wordsworth~
In your darkest hour you have achieved a dignity that is amazing. I'm in awe. Please keep writing and take care of yourself.
I'm sorry for what your going through. I can only imagine how hard the decision was. However, I admire your courage for figuring out the right thing to do and then doing it. Don't listen to what others say, they are not in your shoes.
I wish I had words of comfort to offer. I have not had your experience, but I do understand difficult decisions and second guessing amid judgment from others.
From what you've shared with us, I know your heart and head did not make a snap decision. I am guessing that the five stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross have been with you for a while and are still with you and your family.
Your re-dedication shows that you are going to take the best of what you've experienced and make things at least a wee bit better for someone else. If we all did that, imagine the better world this would be.
Don't forget to be kind to yourself. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
Much love to you and your family as you find your way through this difficult transitional period.
I send loving licks and kind snuggles to you and all. I just know when it's needed just ask my guys...I do it all the time with them.
To many mothers, motherhood are mixture of joy and sorrow. I am sorry you have to go through what you had been. Glad you been through whatever you have been as an even stronger person... you are in our prayers.
˜a fellow blogtoberfester...
a new energy to face the day and a new blog to help face it
nice to hear you are going forward
johnx
Renee', I'm sorry that you're going through such pain. I do hope that you would continue to share though, so others who have going through what you did can find some comfort and connection! Take care of yourself, and be gentle!
Oh Renee my heart goes out to you and yours. I'm glad that yu can take comfort from your blog & blog friends.
Do not be hard on yourself - you have made a massive decision for your family and now go forward - we are here for you xx
Sending best wishes your way through this dark time. Thinking of you...
thank you
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