Why Winter Really is Lovely, Really, No Really

Where I live, it has been an especially harsh winter. Lots of snow, lots of gray, spirits are down; spring has never seemed so far away.

Rather than lament winter and its endless possibilities, whaddya say we make a list of all the good things about winter? Oh, c'mon, there are some good things. There are. There have to be. Now stop it.

Let's see:

1. Flattering wardrobe. Sweaters and slacks . . . even the whitest, flabbiest arms and dimpliest thighs can look good in a nice sweater and slacks. Boots will even make the best of thick ankles. Cold weather levels the playing field.

2. Static cling. Oh yes. It creates the most dynamic and creative hairstyles and provides endless teaching opportunities . . . if you're looking for lessons on electric static, and really, who isn't?

3. Quiet time.  All the time spent inside actually saves time. No obligatory small-talk conversations with neighbors you really have no interest in. Oh, you do too have one . . . or two.

4. No grass to cut. Be fair. That's a huge time-saver.  I don't care how much shoveling you've done this winter, you're still ahead of the game. 

5. Snowmen. The most polite and well-mannered and clean men around. And they know their place.  (C'mon "inside guys," you know you wanna laugh.)

6. Money.  With all the glove-wearing, you really don't need that manicure. Now you have extra money for salt for your driveway and walkways. Win-win.  See?

7. Endless freezer space.  Should your power go out -- as mine did during the last blizzard, that's right, it failed us when we needed it most and threatened the lives of my pets and the welfare of my children . . . but I'm over it now, almost, well almost, someday.  Anyway, the food in the 'fridge and freezer will not spoil, just hike it right outside where it will stay frozen. solid. indefinitely.

8. Socially Accepted Slovenliness.  You have perfect excuse for a filthy car. No peer pressure driving you to the car wash. Shew! Now that's a relief. Just don't lean on the thing or, gawd forbid, brush up against it as you're squeezing by it on the little space left on your driveway that is passable for all the waist-high snow. No, as long as you don't do that, your coat won't get ruined and your hands won't be black with road yuck. See? Simple.

9. Potholes. The sudden creation of crater-like potholes that threaten the entire health and happiness and, possibly, the mere existence of your vehicle makes driving so much more exhilarating. Who needs a Wii?

10. . .

Well, I'd like to have ten, a nice even number that subconsciously suggests abundance . . .

Let me think . . .

wait . . .

hmmmm . . .

hmph.

Well, I could list a tenth, if I wanted, but instead -- and on purpose, you smart-allecks -- I'm going to leave the tenth one blank to demonstrate that the list could just go on and on indefinitely. So there.


Feel free to add to my list, in an orderly and respectful fashion . . . no pushing or shoving, there will be enough time for all.